I have been on this path for many years. In some sense, it seems like I’ve been walking alone, although I haven’t really been alone. My wife has been with me and stuck by my side. But I don’t think she really understands where I am or where I’m going. In a lot of ways, it seems like my path scares her, so I can’t share very much in depth with her.

What is my path? I was raised in traditional Christianity and spent most of my early life in that. But after making some missteps, experiencing severe consequences, and going through 12 years of counseling, my life took a whole new turn. I’ve been on this path for over 20 years. It seems like I’ve had such a heavy load of negative Christianity embedded in my consciousness for so many years. I’ve had to let many years pass to diffuse and disentangle myself from it, and yet there are many parts that still hold on.

In recent times, I have attended two different Unitarian Universalist churches for about six or seven years. This helped me step out of traditional Christianity and was helpful in some small ways. My time there showed me that it was okay not to be in the traditional Christian dogma. It helped me see that people outside of Christianity are valid and honorable as well. However, it didn’t give me any direction in life. It seemed like it just gave me a breather or respite from the religious trap.

For many years, I have been walking down a path not really knowing where I’m going but feeling like it’s a path I need to be on. It has been a very lonely path, but I keep plodding on, sensing that I’m going somewhere but not knowing where. In some ways, I feel like Abraham when God called him to leave his family for a land that God would show him. I haven’t known where I was going, but I haven’t felt lost. I felt like this is just a path I needed to be on.

I am 73 years old, and it seems like it’s only this year that I’ve come to a new path that feels very meaningful. At the beginning of this year, I started volunteering at the Church at the Park and the Village of Hope. I feel like this was a very good step for me and helped me in many ways. Working with the homeless really helped me find some meaning. I’ve also been reading books by Father Gregory Boyle, which have deeply impacted my consciousness to the point of beginning to reprogram my mind. I have been listening to his three books over and over again so that I can really absorb them. Reading Father Boyle’s books has also been helping me to connect with the homeless people that I’m helping. One of the mystics that Father Boyle mentions in his book is Richard Rohr. I have just started reading one of his books, “Immortal Diamond: The Search for Our True Self.” This book continues the tearing up and renewing of my mind that the books of Father Gregory Boyle began. Additionally, I feel so blessed and thankful to have found some other people in my life who have read these books and seem so supportive of my new path. I feel like I’m on such a good path now. And I feel all churned up inside. It’s like my insides are preparing for a new chapter in my life that may have deep meaning and purpose.

I am not looking to be fixed. I do not think that any of us can fix another.